There has been a profound change in the acceptability of mental health issues in men. Turn the clocks back a generation or two and you will find a profoundly sad and secret problem: Men supposedly didn’t have mental health problems. The mental health problems of men were primarily relegated to the ideas of weakness, laziness, or simply not being man enough. So men were forced to relegate their issues of anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc. in other ways. This could manifest as a drinking problem, closeted abusiveness, or in a much more normalized way, simply being emotionally distant from family. A man’s provision was formerly seen under the simple lenses of economic success and work-ethic drive. Ask anyone who grew up under a father who was like this and the first thing they will tell you is “dad loved me but he showed it in distant ways”. It is best to realize that many of these men were doing the best they could with what they had but what they had was at best short-sighted.
But as we have understood that mental health is real and that men are affected by mental health issues just as much or more so than women, there have become some pressing questions about how these issues might manifest differently in men. If we can look at some of the specific visualizations of mental health issues in men in terms that feel native, then we can further help a generation of people make incredible life changes. I’m painting with a bit of a broad brush here and can by no means offer something that is all encompassing but I will do my best to offer a few examples of how mental health issues can be affecting men differently.
While we might have found men dealing more with issues related to anger, at least historically speaking, it’s best to remember that depression often manifests itself as an anger expression. We used to think men were just naturally angry and this had to do with a “wartime mentality” that was innate in men. However research finds that anger expressions have more to do with feelings of powerlessness, inadequacy, loneliness, and feelings of inferiority. After all anger can be viewed as depression faced outwardly.
With the historical repression of men when it comes to the expression of thoughts and feelings, men today face a difficulty in truly confiding in friends. In certain masculine cultures, vulnerability can be viewed as weakness instead of trusting. This makes for an increased challenge for men to find a relationship that feels safe enough to confide in. On top of this since men are generally less emotionally aware and less educated in intuitive/emotional reasoning, men are more likely to find that the counsel of male friends tends to be more action oriented. This is not always a bad thing but if a core component of change is feeling heard and accepted, then the process of change will not come about by simply relaying action-oriented information. Men need relationships that are compassionate and understanding that also speak of these issues in a language that specifically masculine.
Mental health issues directly tie in to socially-supported roles that men have traditionally played. For example: many men feel an incredible pressure to provide fiscally for their family. What happens when that role can’t be fulfilled for one reason or another? Can bringing in less money contribute to a deflated sense of self, sense of purpose, or mark a man as a failure? This could be depression in expression, anxiety in expression, or others. If a man feels there is a role he must play and he finds that he cannot fulfill this role, mental health issues will manifest (or make themselves manifest) and the underlying beliefs must be personally addressed along with the manifesting mental health concerns. Put simply: when men have a role they feel they must fill that they cannot live up to it, mental health issues will be quick to follow.
These are just some of the ways that mental health issues can be somewhat unique in the expression of men. Of course these are not limited to or even felt by all men. In fact many women may find that they identify with some of these specific concerns. These are just some ways that some men may find an intersection between mental health and their place in the world. With that said therapeutic help for men has to be distinct. Men may need extra emotional intelligence cultivation and acceptance-orientation before addressing core concerns. The identities and values of men have to be given extra respect and attention as a part of wholistic therapeutic change. If a man feels that work is a core part of him, then therapy will have to help the man either accept or effectively challenge this belief in a way that is experienced as authentic. Finally mental health interventions for men have to pay special attention to the increased social risk of isolation for men. Men are significantly less likely to have a supportive or encouraging social group and this is a core component to lasting change. Therapy is truly a wonder and amazing gift but without external structures and supportive communities men are at incredible risk of falling back to what societal scripts have historically reinforced.